I gave in. It was actually kind of fun.


1. I met my husband when we were in elementary school but didn’t start dating him until I was 22.

2. My grandmother is 74 and can kick your grandmother’s ass. Also, she’s a caterer. (She was a caterer. And an ass kicker. Now? Not so much and it breaks my heart.) (She passed away on 1/19/09. I love you and miss you every day Neena. You helped make me the person I am today and I think of you every second of every day.)

3. I make chocolate chip cookies that will give you an instant orgasm.

4. I have a lime green laundry room. (I’ve moved. And my new laundry room is bright yellow. With turquoise linoleum. It is… NOT pretty.)

5. There is probably nothing in the world that I hate more than sweeping and vacuuming; lucky for me – my husband does that for me.

6. I kill all plants, it may take a couple of years but eventually, it will happen. (But I am hopeful for Veronica’s future)

7. When I was in high school and college, I dated 7 guys in a row that all had the same birthday. I am now scared of October the 17th. Those boys were, for the most part, not nice.

8. I don’t necessarily think that a woman president is a great idea. (UPDATE!!: I would have totally voted for Hillary is she’d won the 2008 nomination. But I strongly prefer Barack Obama.)

9. My ears used to stick straight out from my head. When I was in first grade, I had plastic surgery to fix that. My mom took a lot of heat for that but to this day I think it was one of the greatest things ever. Ever ever ever.

10. I asked Patrick out for our first date. It was all based on a lie. I ‘fessed up in about a week.

11. I used to be a Clinique girl. I despise Clinique and didn’t last long because I kept sending people to the MAC counter. And Prescriptives.

12. When I lived by myself, I walked around naked ALL. THE. TIME.

13. I once tried to grow pot in my bedroom at my parents’ house. My cat ate the pot plants. She was fine.

14. I won’t eat meat on the bone. Not even chicken wings.

15. I never went to art school which I think is painfully obvious but since I keep selling paintings, I don’t dwell on it.

16. I hated hated hated every single second of high school. (It has recently come to my attention that this may be an exaggeration. There were a few things about it that I will always hold a little piece of in my heart.)

17. I think if I went back to college I would enjoy culinary school. Or maybe art school.

18. My sister is, I’m convinced, the smartest person in the entire universe. Also, the coolest, I love her.

19. I have seen Dave Matthews in concert over one hundred times. But not once in the past 4 years.

20. I listen to classical music in my car and make up lyrics to it. I don’t even think my husband knows this.

21. “Car Talk” is one of my favorite radio shows.

22. If I could have any accent other than my East Tennessee one, it would be a hardcore Boston accent. I LOVE those!!!

23. I’ve never had a cavity so I love going to the dentist.

24. My pediatrician’s name was Dr. Ruth. It was many years before I understood why people thought this was odd.

25. I do not eat seafood of any shape form or fashion.

26. I am embarrassed to tell my family that I have a blog because I swear so much on it.

27. I have drastically cut off ALL of my hair at least 7 times that I can think of, each time vowing that I’ll never do it again. I ALWAYS do it again.

28. When I was in high school, we were at the beach for spring break and I went in the ocean. When I got out I suddenly had curly hair and it has been curly ever since. I am now afraid of the ocean. But I think that has more to do with sharks than with curly hair.

29. When I fall madly in love with a new blog, I obsessively go back to the beginning of the archives and read everything. I’ve done this three times so far (Dooce, Amalah, and Rockstarmommy). And then I imagine that someday someone will do the same thing with mine. It won’t ever happen.

30. My parents met on an airplane, my dad had his ticket changed and followed her home. They got married a couple of months later and have been married for 30 years. Nowadays, she’d have had him arrested.

31. My mom was engaged to another man when they met.

32. I have totaled 3 Honda Accords. 2 of the wrecks were my fault. (I had to change this. I remembered last night that one of them was NOT my fault.)

33. I’m a much better driver now.

34. I keep a tennis racquet in my trunk because I believe that it keeps me from having a car wreck.

35. I don’t play tennis.

36. I can decorate a wedding cake. My grandmother taught me and I’m pretty good at it.

37. I absolutely love indie movies but cannot stop myself from watching “Revenge of the Nerds” every single time it is on television. Also, “Showgirls.”

38. I will watch and love every movie that Marisa Tomei has ever been in. I love her.

39. With the exception of “St. Elmo’s Fire” I will boycott any movie that Andie McDowell has ever made. She is the worst actress in the entire universe.

40. These are all my opinions, if you don’t like them, I don’t really give a rat’s ass.

41. I have a subscription to “Us Weekly” and read it cover to cover every week in about 15 minutes. (Under duress from my husband, I have now let this subscription lapse.)

42. I’ve never been to Las Vegas. (No longer true. But when I was there some blackjack dealing whore stole all my money.)

43. I had my own phone line in high school. Once my boyfriend called me and woke me up from the middle of a dream in which we were getting married. I answered the phone and when he said “Hello” I asked him if he enjoyed our wedding. I never heard from him again.

44. My mother wanted to name me Fern. I am so glad she didn’t. Sorry if your name is Fern.

45. Up until about 6 months ago (I am writing this on 5/5/2005) I was petrified of babies. Now I want one more than anything in the world. (and to update this one again… meh… maybe not so much)

46. I ice skated competitively for about 10 years. I was really good. I don’t remember why I quit but I’m sure it had something to do with one of those awful boys I dated.

47. I love Sharpie pens and will buy one every time I am in an office supply store.

48. I like the toilet paper roll put on the holder with the paper coming from the bottom. But I no longer change other people’s when I’m at their house. See? Improvement!

49. I think my mother would be nicer to me if I was thinner and I think that’s really shitty.

50. I used to have what could loosely be termed a “small cocaine problem” but I quit cold turkey about 6 years ago. It was really hard but I honestly think if I hadn’t done it, I’d be dead.

51. My husband and I started dating about 3 months after I quit. That was a really difficult conversation when I told him about it.

52. Patrick is one of the most amazing and wonderful people in the world. Also one of the most sincere and genuinely good to the core people I’ve ever met.

53. I still get butterflies in my stomach when he kisses me.

54. We bought a king size bed so that the dog wouldn’t take up so much room. We are pathetic.

55. I still get chill bumps when I walk into our house and realize that we actually OWN a house.

56. Nobody ever tells you that the first year of marriage is the most difficult and worst year of your life. At least once a week you think that you’ve made the biggest mistake you could possibly make.

57. I did NOT make a mistake. Its just really hard to learn to live with someone and marriage raises all the stakes. It means that breaking up requires paperwork and lawyers.

58. I hope Patrick thinks that is as funny as I did.

59. I bought my wedding dress 3 months before my wedding. Off the rack. And I loved it to pieces. Apparently I was the only person not panicked about not having a dress yet.

60. I am a fantastic cook. I didn’t know this until I realized that some people are such bad cooks.

61. I just realized how arrogant that sounds, I didn’t mean for it to sound that bad.

62. I think that Cherry Limeades from Sonic are the nectar of the gods.

63. Well, those and also ice cold Stoli with lime on the rocks.

64. I get migraine headaches. Bad ones, at least once a week.

65. My birthday is September 12th. In 2001, I was afraid that I wasn’t going to live to see my 24th birthday because I thought the world was ending on the 11th.

66. I’m a horrible person because one of the first thoughts I had on September 11th was…”Dammit, I’m supposed to get MARRIED in December.”

67. I got married in December of 2001 so it was okay.

68. I’m a Democrat. A liberal Democrat. AND a Christian. Although I’m starting to take issue with organized religion and that is raising doubts in my mind about the whole Christianity thing. I might be starting to become one of those people who say they are “more spiritual than religious.” Those people used to really get on my nerves. (the issues with organized religion are now pretty much official.)

69. I adore drag queens.

70. I’ve been to a strip club and had a lap dance. I used to be kind of wild and someone dared me, what can you do?

71. I feel weird typing all these things about myself.

72. I could be pregnant right now and waiting to take a pregnancy test is KILLING ME. It’s a long story why I’m waiting a few weeks to take one. (okay… but not right now.)

73. Whenever I’m listening to 80s music in my car alone, I morph into super rock star and other people stare at me like I’ve lost my mind.

74. I was briefly a vegetarian in elementary school until my mom explained to me that I could no longer eat hamburgers. I wasn’t willing to give up hamburgers.

75. I lived with three other girls for a year and considered them my dearest friends. When I got married a couple of years later, I didn’t invite two of them to the wedding but I wish I had. The third was one of bridesmaids and is still one of my best friends. But I still miss the others every day. (UPDATE!!!: Hooray for Facebook!!)

76. My 10 year high school reunion is coming up and I have no intention of going. (nope… didn’t go. wasn’t sad about it either.)

77. I hate watching golf on television. I would rather stick bamboo shoots under my fingernails than watch golf on television.

78. When I get nervous, I sweat. Profusely. It’s really gross.

79. My parents and I built the house they still live in. Like, we cut down the trees and dug the big hole. My mom waterproofed the basement. I’m pretty sure it leaks.

80. My mom is a kindergarten teacher; NOT a basement waterproofer.

81. I am technically a genuis as I have an IQ of 165. This is, in no shape, form, or fashion, useful because I don’t have the attention span to back it up.

82. My dad once walked into the kitchen and I had left a joint on the counter. He never said a word about it to me but I lived in fear for over a year.

83. I ended up being the DD on my 21st birthday. It sucked big fat monkey toes but nobody died and nobody got a DUI so it was worth it.

84. I hate motorcycles with the burning passion of a thousand STDs. I know too many people who have died on them not to.

85. I get so angry when “friends” only call you to talk when they need to bitch about their problems.

86. I used to take Ritalin in high school for ADHD. And then I discovered that I would get sick every time I drank because of the Ritalin. So I stopped taking it. The smarter thing would have been to stop drinking.

87. Instead I hoarded all my pills for two more years and sold them to a drug dealer when I got to college and bought my first pair of Jimmy Choo boots. I still have them.

88. I kissed Patrick on our first date because I could tell he was going to but he was taking too long and I had to pee. He may not know about that having to pee part.

89. No matter how many stupid, cheesy, romantic comedies he makes, I will ALWAYS think Hugh Grant is one of the sexiest men alive.

90. I hated the movie “Titanic”. I also hated “Forrest Gump”. Apparently this makes me un-American. Bite me.

91. I think Quentin Tarantino is very sexy.

92. I love musicals. But I hate cartoons. So Disney just doesn’t do it for me.

93. I am very bad about forgetting to take film to be developed. I have a little basket in a closet full of undeveloped film. Some of it is 6 and 7 years old.

94. I think my dad has the most handsome smile in the world.

95. I am 5’11” but I want to be 6’ tall so I always wear heels.

96. This has taken me about 4 hours to write so far.

97. My mom was a majorette for the University of Tennessee Pride of the Southland Marching Band. She still fits into her majorette uniform from college except that it’s a little loose now. Bitch.

98. I don’t have a passport but I’ve been to Bermuda twice. I had my birth certificate and that was apparently good enough. (but I have one now. Mexico, HERE I COME!!)

99. I haven’t legally changed my last name even though I’ve been married for over 3 years now. (Updating this to tell you that I have now changed my name and am all official and went against my original plan of hyphenation.)

100. My dog can eat off of a fork.