Hi. I’m Susannah Hall Perry. I used to be Susannah Clare Hall but then I got married. And I was still Susannah Clare Hall until the DMV threatened to take away my drivers’ license just because of one little bitty identity crisis. So now I’m Susannah Hall Perry because they only let you have 3 names on your drivers’ license. And this is my website.

(duh.)

A long, long time ago in a land far, far away I was born. I was cute and adorable for a bit and then I became a holy terror. I tried every conceivable plot to get myself shipped off to jail by the age of 19 and twice by 22. I’m still not sure how my family managed to not kill me but I do appreciate their amazing restraint.

I decided to straighten up and fly right at age 22-ish and started dating the boy next door. That’s the only thing I started as all the other changes involved stopping various illegal behaviors and acting on dumb ideas.

This boy next door relationship turned out to be the smartest move I’d ever made and in 2001 Patrick and I got married and moved to Augusta, Georgia where the stupid people all congregate and breed like rabbits. Inbred rabbits with questionable driving skills and even worse judgment. Thank all that is good and chocolaty that we have now left Augusta and moved back to East Tennessee. Although we now work together which should bring about a whole new crop of problems.

I am a painter and photographer and I absolutely love to cook. The things this site was named for although I almost never talk about either one. Patrick and I have been trying to have a baby for about two three years far too many years to count now with little success. There have been a few miscarriages and some plate throwing that I attribute directly to fertility drugs and not at all to my generally unbalanced nature. If there is one thing that the “blurry years” taught me it was to always blame the drugs if you can. I can and I do. Except that now we are foster parents. And it’s kind of terrifying and awesome and terrifying and the most wonderful thing ever and also did I mention terrifying?

Somewhere along the way I discovered that I probably needed therapy but decided to take my troubles to the internet instead. That is where you come in. Hi. I have a long-standing love affair with Beverly Hills, 90210 and blame Brenda Walsh for every bad thing that has ever happened. Except for the miscarriages. Those I place squarely on my punk ass ovaries as I have made the conscious decision not to involve Brenda Walsh in my reproductive business. Dylan McKay is another matter entirely and should he ever decide to become involved in my life in a reproductive manner, well…all bets would be off.

My husband and I have ridiculous conversations that prove he is the only man in the world who could ever possibly get or tolerate me. I share those quite often. I also have 2 dogs, Belle and Archie, and 2 cats, Luna and Lilly (also known as Bad Kitty), who I talk about too much. Fear not, I do this in real life as well and am probably one husband away from being a crazy cat lady. Every day I thank whoever is responsible for that sort of thing that I’ve managed to hang on to the aforementioned husband as long as I have (it’s a bigger accomplishment that you may think…)

I love red wine, chocolate cake, the internet and Canadian television. I always drop food on my shirt and when I was 5 I used to tell anyone that asked I was going to drive a motorcycle and drink beer when I grew up. I hate beer and motorcycles and salad bars freak me out.

You can email me at paintingchef(at)gmail(dot)com