Sometimes they get on my nerves but overall, I have pretty kick ass parents. The have their SERIOUS assorted neuroses and all, don’t get me wrong. They are an odd pair that makes sense to me simply because they are my parents and they’ve always been that way. See them? Aren’t they cutie-pies?

So let me share with you how they met because it is the COOLEST story ever and if you are one of those romance cynics who think that love and romance are dead and all that shit then maybe this will give you a little mushy gooshy boost. Here we go.

So my mom, as you can see above, is a pretty hot number. And she always has been. She was living in New York City where she was modeling and about to marry some French dude named Pierre who may or may not have spoken English. As a matter of fact the only thing I know for certain about Pierre, and this has tumbled down through semi-drunken family story-telling sessions, is that he was the proud owner of a blue velvet suit. In my mind Pierre very much resembles a French Austin Powers.

Ah…before I go any further, my mother grew up in Athens, TN where she was a Miss Everything and people treated her like her shit didn’t stink. My father is from Trumbull, CT and he is one cool cat.

Moving on.

My mother was flying home to Tennessee from NYC and my father was headed down to the beach somewhere and these two ended up sitting next to each other on an airplane. They got to shooting the shit and apparently mom’s little southern accent and big blue eyes made my daddy’s heart do acrobatic tricks. Well as they were landing, she slips him her phone number and says “If you are ever in the area, you should look me up and I’ll be happy to show you around.”

Well…fast forward to later that night. My mother’s phone is ringing in the middle of the night and who is it? Yeah…today she would have had his ass slapped with a restraining order so fast his head would have spun. Dude had his ticket changed and FOLLOWED HER ASS HOME.

Apparently my grandmother knew he wasn’t going to kill my mother when daddy asked if he could call HIS mom as soon as he walked into the house.

So, they got engaged and married within a couple of months and they lived happily ever after. Until my ass showed up and make them both crazy.

Do you want to puke yet?