Published by PaintingChef on 27 Sep 2006 at 11:54 am
This is either a handbook for dealing with Clomid or a recipe for a fat ass.
Sleep twenty minutes late.
Spend another ten minutes in bed contemplating the validity of “calling in infertile” as you feel Clomid coursing through your veins.
Drag ass out of bed realize that you have exactly 12 and a half minutes to shower, get dressed, fix breakfast, pack lunch and get out the door.
Immediately delete shower, breakfast, and lunch from schedule, lay out clothes and crawl back into bed for another six minutes.
Get dressed, hug dog and cat, instantly regretting fulfilling need for furry animal loving goodness while wearing black shirt.
Leave.
Damn.
Go back inside and take chicken out of freezer to defrost and announce to cat that this was your one productive act of the day.
Leave again.
Decide on daily mantra of “Fuck It” while pulling out of neighborhood and immediately swing into Starbucks for venti (VENTI? Hell yes motherfucker) caramel macchiato and pastry. Repeat mantra to ass as it begins to grow at the very sight of pastry.
Pull into work 10 minutes late. Repeat mantra.
Look at in box. Repeat mantra.
Abandon all hope of productivity at 11 am and head out for grease-laden lunch and to price tattoo of mantra directly onto ass so it will stop with the protests when you decide to just hook up an IV and mainline cream cheese frosting for dinner.
Remember with relief that chicken breasts are happily defrosting in sink and wonder how they would taste stuffed with Oreos and basted with cream cheese frosting.
Throw up in mouth a little.
Receive email from irritating art guild treasurer, reaffirm mantra and type blog entry.
Realize that you are painfully delinquent in sharing bitchy advice with the world and risk excommunication from the triumvirate. Feel a surge of fertility drugs coming on and head over to unleash the bitchiness.
7 Responses to “This is either a handbook for dealing with Clomid or a recipe for a fat ass.”
Bonanza Jellybean on 27 Sep 2006 at 12:33 pm #
You will ALWAYS be one of the bitches.
It’s not like the rest of us are always on the ball or anything… and I can’t wait to see some of the answers.
Crazy Lady in Vegas on 27 Sep 2006 at 3:44 pm #
Hey, it sounds like you have your priorities in order. Sleep over shower, or food. works for me
debkitty on 27 Sep 2006 at 4:19 pm #
I don’t know if this will help you any, but when a girlfriend of mine was on the fertility a.k.a. make you crazy drugs she also took some kava kava to help with the mood swings. Just an idea from someone who has no idea what she is talking about :).
Kylei on 27 Sep 2006 at 7:56 pm #
I think you can call in infertil of course everyone will wonder just what you are doing.
LaLa Lisa on 27 Sep 2006 at 7:59 pm #
Hey, a girl’s gotta eat! I mean really is there anything better than comfort food. It last longer than a lot of life’s other pleasures. Hahaha! Did I just say that? Um, that in no way is a reference to my current honey’s capabilities.
No, really. I’m serious!
Crazy MomCat on 27 Sep 2006 at 9:47 pm #
Love that cream cheese frosting IV idea…let me know how that works out for ya’, will you? LOL
Erin on 28 Sep 2006 at 9:04 am #
My favorite comfort food at the moment is a turkey burger on a glazed donut(instead of a bun) from Homer’s. But I bet you could make your own with some Krispy Kremes… that would definitely kick some clomid ass.