Published by PaintingChef on 14 Feb 2006 at 11:17 am
Three Things That Suck.
I’m not sure whose job it is to establish a safe expiration date for dairy products but I have a bone to pick with them. Because the goat cheese? In my fridge? That was supposed to still be good and by all outward appearances was still good? Not so much. And the way I found this out? Not much better because I’m still experiencing a little involuntary twinge. Not to mention that you ruined my couscous. I blame you Mr. Dairy Product Expiration Date Establisher. There will never be a beer commercial song about you because you? Suck. Oh, and Bonanza…sorry I hung up on you so fast like that. Believe me, you were being spared.
When you are a slacker like I am and you don’t even realize until February 12th that it is almost Valentines Day do you have ANY IDEA how wretched it is to stand there amidst the other slackers and read shitty Valentines Day cards? Valentines Day cards are kind of sucky. With the exception of the one that Patrick got me that says something about using a lot of tongue to lick the envelope. THAT one brought an instant smile. And at 7:30 in the morning no less which is like five times as impressive because normally about the only expression I manage at 7:30 in the morning is either a scream and a flurry of profanity when I spill something hot on my hand or a Alice in Wonderland “I’m late, I’m late, I’m late” white rabbit type dance as I gather things that I might possibly need that day and never use and run out the door only half ready to face the world. (Hey…traffic was MADE for mascara application) So this second thing that sucks is actually me…no dirty pun intended…for not realizing that Valentines Day was fast approaching so I didn’t send anything to ANYONE. Sorry Betsy, no box of fun VD bubble bath, sorry Mom and Dad, no crafty handmade card, sorry Patrick…well, not really, you’ll be taken care of…
Excuse me. Mr. 40 year old asshole in your silver Trans Am. I’m REALLY sorry that your third wife left you for her 25 year old personal trainer and that you haven’t been laid in about 7 years because you can’t get it up without medical assistance but you know what? There are other people on the road and I swear to GOD if you swerve towards me or cut me off one more fucking time I am going to rear end you so that you stop and YES that will be my fault but guess what? It’ll be worth it because I am going to yank your greasy overly cologned ass (just a safe bet…) out of your car and I am going to beat you to death with your FUCKING PINKY RING. Because pinky rings? Suck.
lysie6211 on 14 Feb 2006 at 11:36 am #
Sounds like your in a great mood just like me.
Zube Girl on 14 Feb 2006 at 12:05 pm #
Oh my god, I love those beer commercials. The speedo one especially. heh. But, you’re right. The expiration date establisher TOTALLY doesn’t deserve one.
And the guys like that around here drive hummers. I guess they’ll settle for driving what they wish they could be getting. Hate. Hummers. I mean, what’s the point of an off-roading vehicle that you won’t freakin’ get dirty?
Happy Valentine’s Day!
donna on 14 Feb 2006 at 12:47 pm #
Sounds like a great week already.
Hope it improves.
Bonanza Jellybean on 14 Feb 2006 at 2:18 pm #
Yuk- I haven’t had any goat cheese since I talked to you. And I think you had a VERY adequate excuse to go.
Oh? And the salad bar talk we had? It kicked my ass about 30 minutes after we hung up. You and I seem to be on this STRANGE parallel track lately.
Erin on 14 Feb 2006 at 4:18 pm #
Can I add something to your suck list? Taxes. oh and having a husband who wants to do taxes together. because “it’s important that we both know our finances.” in a blizzard (where there is no possible escape) double yuk.
Crazy Like A Fox on 14 Feb 2006 at 8:31 pm #
Here in redneckville, only rich housewives drive Hummers, which is totally stupid because where are they going except to the store and soccer practice?