“Patrick, when the new computer gets here, we have to name it, okay?”

“Yeah, we can call it The. Computer. If you want to personalize it a little more you can call it TC for short.”

“What? Absolutely not. What was the name of your first pet?”

“Okay. First of all, I’m a little hurt that you don’t know that. And second of all there is no way in hell that we are giving our computer a drag queen name. That’s just wrong.”

“Oh, Muffy, I remember! I think that Muffy Lakefront is a fantastic drag name! If you want to be all ‘I refuse to accept that my child is a drag queen’ about it then you can call it TC but I’m going to call that bitch Muffy like the ‘I’m never leaving the house again without letting my drag queen son do my hair and makeup’ kind of mother that I’m going to be. Which brings me to another point…”

“I can hardly wait for this one.”

“I think that a good drag name is crucial to a child’s development and in our current residence that simply isn’t going to be possible because Luna Chimney Hill or Belle Chimney Hill is going to get beat up a lot. So I’ve been thinking that we should move. Are there any houses for sale on Sparkleberry Road? Because THAT would be perfect.”

“So let me get this straight…You want us to sell this house and buy one that we absolutely cannot afford because you are worried about our non-conceived unborn child having the right drag name?”

“Yes.”

“You need therapy. LOTS of therapy.”