I had the most bizarre dream the other night. I was hanging out with Jessica Simpson and helping her get ready for a party but she kept putting on these truly hideous dresses that looked like 1986 chewed them up and vomited them back out. It was a very strange dream and I woke up feeling all out of sorts and then I got up and walked into the bathroom and nearly burst into tears because for some strange reason, my Daisy Duke ass hadn’t quite translated from dreams to reality. Oddly enough, I wasn’t concerned about why I was dreaming about hanging out with Jessica Simpson in the first place, nor was I worried about why, in my dream, we were bouncing around town in a school bus driven by my mother-in-law. Pay no attention to the fact that Zach Morris is acting like a tour guide up at the front of the bus. Oh no…just give me back my Daisy Duke ass.

I went back to bed. Put that one in your pipe and smoke it Sigmund Freud.