The way that things can change from day to day never ceases to amaze me. And in this case, my dear friends, there are no smartass comments, there is no laughter, there are no special hats. For now I have only tears and lingering anger.

Four pregnancy tests. All positive. Hours spent bonding with my toilet in a way that I haven’t done since I was a freshman in college. Sudden-onset narcolepsy.

Apparently my uterus didn’t get the message because it is completely empty. There is nothing there.

I was briefly a mother; I had life inside of me. Something that Patrick and I had created out of love. And now? I am without the words to explain what happened. So are the doctors. All hope is not yet lost, to be completely fair, they say its possible that I’m just not as far along as I had thought and its simply too early. But I know in my heart that isn’t the case.

I am suddenly empty. I am no longer a mother.