I’ll confess. I’ve watched it in the past. But I can honestly say that it’s been several years since I’ve even been able to claim I could pick the current “Bachelor” or “Bachelorette” out of a lineup.

So last night as Patrick and I were getting all snuggled into bed after watching our DVR’d episodes of “United States of Tara” and “Big Love” (what is UP with Barb these days and why is she suddenly so… irritating?) I briefly turned on the bedroom television to see what to expect from the out-of-doors so that I could have a clue what to wear in the morning. (I do much better to plan these things ahead of time as my morning decision need to not be more complicated than which silver hoop earrings to wear and let’s be honest… even that is pushing it… at least once a week I have on mismatched earrings)

But instead of the weather I was greeted with some dude I didn’t know proposing to some girl I didn’t know but who looked oddly familiar in that way that you imagine she hears very often “you remind me of someone”. This told me two things… First of all… I was in bed an entire HOUR earlier than I thought and second of all… these two people had just gotten engaged. (Then there was a kid (??) and they all jumped into a pool and “girl who looks like everyone” narrowly avoided smacking her head on the edge of an infinity pool that I would soon learn was in New Zealand.)

And then things went horribly wrong. I SHOULD have just hit the button on the remote that would tell me what the weather was going to be like. I SHOULD have ignored the dramatic way Chris Harrison came on screen talking about thing being oh so different this time around. (Which would only mean that these two crazy kids actually made it work). I SHOULD have just turned the damn thing off, rolled over and gone to sleep.

But instead I found myself setting the DVR to record the douchebag Bachelor on Jimmy Kimmel later that night because SURELY at some point SOMEONE will punch this tool in the face, right? Or at the very least pull Replacement Girl to the side and give her a hand with her hair. It’s so sad that she doesn’t have any friends. I know this because if she did? One of them would have clued her into the magic healing powers of a good conditioner AGES ago.

Ugh… is Project Runway EVER coming back?