Published by PaintingChef on 26 Feb 2009 at 11:19 am
Needless to say, it resulted in me skipping breakfast.
As evidenced by my waistline, I’m not really a picky eater. I’m fairly brave and I’ll try just about anything as long as it isn’t in possession of a head when it hits my plate. Except for olives. I don’t know, maybe they are my kryptonite. Mainly the black ones but I stay away from the green ones too… just to be safe.
And pears. I hate pears. Oh. And turnips and beets.
But there is one area where I have a very strong opinion and that is that things should not take on the flavors of things to which they are not at all related. I know… how ambiguous, right? Well up until this morning this rule applied to one main thing. A “food” item that I have seen in two forms and being in its mere vicinity has never failed to send cold chills up my spine.
That item is the buttered popcorn flavored candy. Jelly beans? Good. Buttered Popcorn? Good. Buttered popcorn flavored jelly beans? Sweet jesus, no. The same goes for those dum-dum lollipops of the same nature. I’ve got no use for you and your identity-crisis-having non-sweet candy.
Then this morning I met a new enemy. But this one was is disguise because on the surface it snuck past me. Even though it was clearly a something masquerading as a something else and thus fit well within the parameters of the aforementioned qualification (that made me feel all lawyerly… did I mention that last night I dreamt I was a microbiologist… that doesn’t relate other than just me being something that I’m not…). It was the “Cinnamon Roll” flavored yogurt. Yogurt is sweet, right? As are cinnamon rolls. I figured it was going to be something along the lines of vanilla yogurt with one of those yummy swirls of cinnamon-y goo.
I was wrong. The evil demons at Yoplait attempted to make a pastry flavored yogurt base and it went very, very badly. And there wasn’t a stitch of cinnamon goo to be had ANYWHERE. So back to the original rule. Unless you are cake batter flavored ice cream from Coldstone Creamery you need to just stick to what nature intended you to be.
Am I alone on this one? Does anyone else have a food kryptonite or a rule like this? Or have you come across anything that fits the bill? Just me? Okay then…
Crazy Lady on 26 Feb 2009 at 2:28 pm #
My food kryptonite would be mushrooms, olives, and peppers. Anything else (including popcorn flavored jelly beans) is pretty much alright by me.
statia on 26 Feb 2009 at 3:54 pm #
I can eat the fuck out of some popcorn jelly beans. I always thought it was weird that they had jalepeño flavored ones, though.
I’m not a fan of beets. I want to like them, but I just can’t. Black olives are ok, green taste weird to me. Egg nog is my kryptonite. Don’t even look in my general direction if you have that shit. And of course, weird shit notwithstanding. The hubs likes things like, haggis, head cheese and other weird foods. I’m not that adventurous. I watch Andrew Zimmern on TV, I wouldn’t want to hang out with the guy.
jessica on 26 Feb 2009 at 8:13 pm #
Coffee and anything coffee flavored. Even the smell makes me sick. Some people can’t live without it - I can’t live within the vicinity of it. Also, offal is awful.
Amy on 26 Feb 2009 at 9:46 pm #
I happen to love black olives AND popcorn jelly beans - and really anything salty, especially when paired with sweet, see: kettle corn, chocolate covered pretzels and bacon toffee.
But I’ve been disappointed by every single dessert flavored yogurt I’ve ever tried - apple pie, key lime pie, boston cream pie. I’ve accepted that I’m chubby (Wii Fit even confirmed that) and I should be eating yogurt instead of dessert-type stuff, but don’t try to make me think it’s anything but yogurt.
And my food kryptonite is super-sweet artificial fruit flavoring, especially grape - it tastes nothing like real grapes and it makes me gag. Also, watermelon is not sour, no matter how many times bubble gum makers try to make be believe it.
Traci on 26 Feb 2009 at 10:09 pm #
My food kryptonite would be vienna sausages & just any kind of canned meat like product in general. I would truly rather eat a booger than a vienna sausage. I love olives though, especially green olives. YUM!
Adrienne on 26 Feb 2009 at 10:33 pm #
Carrot Cake. You can either be delicious cake, or you can be carrots mingling with other assorted healthy things. You can not be both.
S on 27 Feb 2009 at 3:09 am #
Beets. No matter what you do to them, they taste like brackish lake water. Borscht? Unpalatable. Ew.
Truffles, white or black. The scent will make my stomach roil just as if I had a big snootful of someone’s vomit. This is really unfortunate, as I work in a restaurant that thinks that Truffle Fries are the way to go. Aaach.
Duck. People freak’n love it. I can’t stand it. Fatty and gamey, not my idea of something I want in my system. Blech.
Beef. America’s favourite meat. Hate it. Hate the smell. Don’t even like hamburgers. Never have, never will. I think I might get my citizenship revoked for this.
Circus Peanuts (the candy). This is food? If it were Peeps, I’d be all over that shit. Vaguely orange ambiguously flavoured candy with a wierd texture and unidentifiable smell — you can have it. Uck.
Courtney on 27 Feb 2009 at 12:41 pm #
I’ve never understood jelly bellys. What was so wrong with the original jelly bean anyway?
Betsy on 27 Feb 2009 at 10:46 pm #
Hmm. I don’t think I have any food kryptonite, although I don’t like to drink anything until I’m completely done with the meal.
I live very close to the Jelly Belly HQ and factory, so you can go for a tour, and at the end buy big bags of the deformed and doubled-up jelly beans. They’re called Belly Flops
COMPLETELY off topic, but I was thinking of you - I’m still watching the new 90210, and one of the the main characters just moved into a hotel…the W! It’s hilarious to watch them at the hotel bar, ordering “sparkling water” and flirting with the bartenders. Oh, and don’t worry, the Dr. Pepper plugs are completely ridiculous and overblown, just like the original series.
Miss Dicta on 28 Feb 2009 at 12:41 pm #
I must admit, the popcorn ones are my absolute favourite. Liquorice ones, on the other hand, are evil and wrong … and look nearly identical to the delicious wild berry ones, so it’s more like Russian Roulette than the eating of delicious jellybeans in my opinion!
smoness on 02 Mar 2009 at 5:21 pm #
I refuse to eat anything artificially flavored as “grape.” Because to me, it all tastes like children’s chewable Tylenol.