Archive for September, 2012

Published by PaintingChef on 25 Sep 2012

Most people figure these things out when they are very young…

Everyone has that one thing in their marriage that is difficult for them. That one thing that they fight over more than anything else or that stresses them out to no end. Right? (Please say nod and say yes, I’m just going to assume that you are nodding in solidarity.)

I’m no different. I’m DREADFUL with money. I just am. I don’t always think things through and then I try and go back and fix them later, often creating a much worse mess and situation than if I had just not tried to do it all myself the first time. Sound familiar? (Again with the nodding please…)

I’m trying to be better about it. I’m trying to be grown up and make better decisions. But it’s a…process. Earlier this year, I made one such bad decision. I made it out of panic and fear and somewhat misguided good intentions and that’s all it was. In the grand scheme of things, it was nothing. So small. Out of respect for the bigger problems in the world, I’ll spare you the details. The mistake wasn’t even the problem.

The problem was the months of deception that I went through to try and cover it up. Mountains of guilt. Sleepless nights. KNOWING that I needed to come clean and just get it out. Purge. Whatever you want to call it. But I. Was. Terrified. Of what? I have no idea. We can all just go ahead and agree that my husband is glorious, right? That he is pretty much the kindest and most forgiving person that ever lived. He is good and patient and absolutely adorable, right?

Ok, good. In spite of all that though, I was so afraid he would… what? Be mad? Judge me? Leave me? I have no idea. It was like this,,,brownish area with points. I knew that I WANTED to tell him. And that I wanted to just put it all out there and be honest and not terrified of what was going to be in the mailbox. I wanted to NOT hold my breath every time I walked in the door or he walked in the door because he had found out before I’d sacked up enough to tell him.

And then finally… I did. And he was… well, he was Patrick. He loves me. Inexplicably. Unconditionally. Completely. And I have a renewed commitment to him. Honesty. Disclosure. And for me? It is bravery. It is trust. Things that I guess don’t normally go with honesty but for they always have. After 10 years of marriage, you wouldn’t think that being afraid of what your husband thinks of your character would still be an issue. But for me it is. Or rather… it was. This man deserves everything good I have to give him. And more.

How about you? What do you struggle with?

Published by PaintingChef on 05 Sep 2012

On political discourse, Facebook and the state of my tomatoes.

Dear all my Facebook Friends…

I get it. Politics. It’s serious. You are very passionate about your guy and I’m sure that you are certain that if you just post ONE MORE snarky comment about MY guy and his family or his wife or his ideals or whatever, that you are CERTAIN I will see the error of my ways and come a-runnin’ to your side of the fence.

But here’s the thing. We don’t agree and we aren’t going to agree and I really do try my hardest to just… ignore you. I respect your intelligence enough to believe that your views have validity, even when I strongly disagree.** Except for a few of you… a few of you I kind of think are total nut jobs but I think that all the time so this really doesn’t have anything to do with you.

So maybe stop yelling. Stop seizing every little morsel of fringe information out there and pouncing on it like it’s the gospel truth. I have the same view of the information that you get from FOX news that you have of the information I glean from NPR. I don’t trust your sources and you don’t trust mine. And that’s FINE. That’s the way the world works.

Here’s a question though… do you remember when there used to be this thing called “compromise” and how people were willing to accept that there was value on both sides of an argument? That was cool… wouldn’t it be great if we could revisit that and see if there was still some merit to it?

I’m just exhausted. I’m tired of opening up my Facebook feed and having to duck bullets because it’s such a war zone. If you are passionate about something, be an advocate for change in a fashion that might actually have some results. Don’t mock the first lady’s dress on Facebook. That’s just petty. (And that dress was the shit. Seriously. Tracey Reese for Secretary of Dresses.) If you are frustrated, get involved. If you are angry, contact someone who is in a position to do something about it. Volunteer for a campaign. Run for office yourself.

But I’m really more interested in mocking what you are listening to on Spotify, finding out what good books you’ve read lately and seeing pictures of your new puppy. I want to see a movie this weekend, got any suggestions? Do you think Miley Cyrus is pregnant? What’s a Harry Styles? Have you read that Vanity Fair article about Scientology yet? Do you miss Robin Roberts on GMA? I miss her already. Are you tailgating this weekend? Hey… I picked about 300 various peppers from my garden last night… what should I do with those? And why are all my tomatoes suddenly splitting before they ripen? THIS is why Mark Zuckerburg and baby jesus invented Facebook. THIS is how we can all help each other.

Let’s get back to being intelligent people capable of casual and intelligent conversation and the sharing of our everyday lives. Because right now? You’re kind of like that hairy guy with the sandwich board on the side of the road preaching about the end of the world. You aren’t helping your cause and nobody is listening.

**I cannot take credit for this little nugget… it is plagiarized from a friend and I am trying to adopt it as my new mantra. The only problem being that the idiots don’t wear special hats and so they aren’t immediately identifiable. And if you are not someone with a respectable level of intelligence, I will mock you mercilessly. Consider yourself warned. See also… people who said they were moving to Canada because the recent Supreme Court decision upholding the healthcare reform was too much like socialism… I judged you. Harshly. As clearly you were a moron