Archive for February, 2012

Published by PaintingChef on 21 Feb 2012

Free cookies are only surpassed by free shoes…

Have you liked the Bad Kitty Bakery on Facebook yet? Slacker. Following on Twitter? @badkittybakery And remember, if you are a long time homie (i.e. you are reading this NOW) a comment gets you another entry. As does a share on your own website, blog, Facebook page, etc… you just have to let me know! Three people are going to win 2 dozen cookies each! That’s a LOT of cookies! I love cookies, do you? Cookies make me happy. They are the answer to world peace.

Seriously. Free cookies. Cookies in your mailbox. If it didn’t sound so dirty I just might tattoo it on my forehead.

Okay, I totally wouldn’t do that…

By the way? Suddenly I am incapable of typing the word “Bakery”. It’s kind of a problem…

PS… Contest ends on Friday, February 24th at 11:00 AM Eastern Time.

Published by PaintingChef on 17 Feb 2012

In which I channel Sally Field, harass my husband and overcome food issues in a single bound.

So this bakery thing, right? I’m stoked. So far so good, there have been some orders and my ass is going to be a baking machine this weekend which is LOVELY because Patrick is going to be putting up crown molding and he’s going to be like “HEY! HELP! MANUAL LABOR! TOOLS! MITER SAW!” And I’ll be all “CAAAAAAAAAAAAKE BATTER!” And I’ll win because I’m prettier.

I’m still a little shocked that I’m actually doing this. I won’t lie, I’ve wanted to do it for years. But I think with all the food issues and the fat and the lazy, I was really scared to. I think I was secretly (or not so secretly really, duh) afraid that I would end up baking a bunch of stuff and then just eating it. ALL. But that kind of doesn’t even cross my mind now. I’m doing this because I LOVE it. Not because it controls me. So in a way, this bakery is me kicking my food issues in the ass and making them my bitch. And we all KNOW how I love to have a good something or other be my bitch, right?

Oh… hey! Are you still here? Because I’m going to have a giveaway on my Facebook page next week! Have you checked that shit out? All you have to do is like me! (I feel so very Sally Field saying that…) BUT… if you comment here, you get your name in the hat twice. If you follow me on Twitter? You get another entry. If you buy something from me? Well… if you buy something from me, you get my undying love and affection. But also? Another entry. If you tell a friend about this or pimp it out on your website, Twitter or Facebook? yeah… you know the drill. But you have to TELL ME ABOUT IT!

Let do this bitches!!

PS… here are the vitals…

Bad Kitty Bakery on teh interwebs
Bad Kitty Bakery on Facebook
Bad Kitty Bakery on Twitter

PS again…

Bad Kitty wants you to have these flowers…

Published by PaintingChef on 14 Feb 2012

It’s like the internet equivalent to jumping out of the cake, right?

So. A while back I hinted at maybe an exciting endeavor in the works of the baking variety. Well… holy crapola. It’s here. And I’m ABSOLUTELY pimping out my new project on this little corner of the internet. (And if you want to do the same, I will love you for a hundred years!)

Drum roll please…

Introducing the Bad Kitty Bakery!!

This is insane, right? But I finally did it. I got off my ass and took the plunge. Suddenly it seemed not scary anymore. I kind of think Neena gave me a little nudge. Or a big one, perhaps.

But anyway. Go forth and buy cookies! And because you guys here are my long-time homies, use the copy PAINTINGCHEF20 and get 20% off your order.

Also? Tell your friends. As soon as I get my bearings about things, I’ll be doing a giveaway for a cake or something. We’ll figure that all out once we get there.

Also again? Like me on Facebook!! That’s where I’ll post specials and other coupon codes and things.

Published by PaintingChef on 06 Feb 2012

Showering with Pitt and Clooney. Again.

Is it just me? What is it about standing in the shower that makes for some good mind-wandering? Introspection… the kind that you start having some imaginary conversation with whoever it is that is going to interview when you suddenly become relevant and then next thing you know, the shampoo is dripping down over the mud masque that hardened to an impenetrable crust on your face making you wonder if this is what Botox feels like, the water is inexplicably cold and your husband is knocking on the door asking you if you’re still alive and then you’re all.. “Oh, yeah honey. Fine. I was just practicing my interview for Diane Sawyer when I do that thing with the guy in the place” and Patrick is all “I’ve never been to Belize.”**

Oh wait. That was Pitt and Clooney. Those scamps were in my shower again, weren’t they? It’s getting old boys…

In all honesty, it’s about 50-50 that these mental spirals are going to end with. It’s either Pitt and Clooney in the shower or me wondering which left hand turn I probably should have avoided.

Do you ever wonder if you fucked it all up somehow but that maybe it’s okay? I have to start this with a fact, not a tooting my own horn or anything, but just a fact. The fact is that I’m a smarty. I have an IQ above 180 and other than mentioning it right here, its uselessness is only surpassed by the broom that lives in my garage. I have a complete and total inability to focus on a project and it is a minor miracle that I made it out of high school, let alone college, because to this day, I do not know how to study.

But what I usually end up wondering about, in relation to this, is this… Had I mastered this studying business and actually made an effort when it came to my grades, would it have been enough for me to have found myself at the Ivy League schools that I now secretly dream of attending? (Where I would, hopefully, receive some serious instruction in the art of grammar as this is turning into a train wreck at breakneck speed…) Would that have been enough or would I still have fucked it all up with my love of those bad, bad boys?

And in all honesty… would I have been willing to give up what I learned from all those relationships for a Gilmore Girls-esque college life in Boston or New Haven where I would have shown up with a head full of smarts but no actual life experiences? And furthermore… would I have still ended up right where I am had that happened? I’m inclined to think that I would have ended up somewhere differently and I think I don’t like the idea of that… I LIKE my life. Sure to some people it might seem simple and unfulfilled or whatever. But I’m actually HAPPY. Oh sure, I’m probably a trainwreck waiting to happen, that’s a given. But the scenery is nice and the company is good so… maybe that’s alright?

What if I did screw it all up? What if that first boy, the one in the long line of assholes, was a misstep that sent me reeling? Does the fact that things are good NOW make up for that? Or do I really need to just showering by myself because it’s too much time for me to be alone in my head without adult supervision…

Yeah. That’s probably it. I imagine showering with a friend is probably the answer to a lot of life’s little problems. Glad we could work this out together.

How about you guys? Is there a one moment or decision that you wonder how your life would be different if you’d taken the other path? Where do you stand on not-exactly-regrets-more-like-what-ifs?

**Ocean’s Eleven. I watch it every time it’s on TV. Don’t pretend you don’t.