Archive for February, 2011

Published by PaintingChef on 25 Feb 2011

In which I compare my marriage to, among other things, a big knot of jewelry. Yes. How could THAT go wrong?

Whenever I tell someone that I work with my husband AND my father, their response is generally something along the lines of “OH MY GOD HOW DO YOU NOT KILL EACH OTHER.” And that’s valid. I get it. But for some reason it works for us. I think it requires things like patience, kindness and knowing when to just shut the fuck up and walk away. OBVIOUSLY, for that reason, I give 99.9% of the credit to Patrick for the success of our situation as I am in possession of NONE of those attributes.

For example… In a million years, I would never, ever, EVER agree to be employed by my father-in-law. I just wouldn’t. We don’t get along. I try very hard not to discuss the relationship I have with my in-laws on here as that’s kind of a tender subject and whatever else they may be, they are still my husband’s parents. But yes… we don’t get along. And I would never agree to work for either of them. Patrick, however, works for his father-in-law and it turned out quite good. They get along, they chat, they work together, they share ideas and respect and trust each other.

My father-in-law and I just kind of want to throw things at each other. And sometimes we do. Although I also have that kind of working relationship with my father so perhaps I need to look inward on that one…

Moving on…

In the beginning, Patrick and I tried to come up with rules about how we would deal with spending so much time together. We would try and limit when we would discuss work things outside the office. I would try and not get stabby when he asked me a question. We would try and respect the differences in the way our minds work. He would try not to kill me when I was a math-retarded office manager keeping the books of a construction company.

That all lasted about 5 minutes. (Except for the killing me part. I’m still very much alive. This is a testament to his patience and sunny disposition. Also that he doesn’t want to go to jail and I value that in a husband AND a co-worker.)

Instead of all those boundaries and rules we spent so many hours discussing and hashing out until we were exhausted, things are just… interwoven. Everything is all tied together in a big knot worse than the ones I find in my jewelry box. YOU KNOW… the necklaces that I haven’t worn in years and that ALLEGEDLY lie there doing nothing and being still until I want to wear one and find that they have somehow managed to work themselves into a very frustrating mess while sitting in there and DOING NOTHING. Yes… like that.

And it’s glorious.

It just works for us, this lack of boundaries. Sure, there is yelling and some fighting and if I’m in a bad mood or stressed about something, I’ll snap at him before I will anyone else. And yes. We fight. But we HAVE to just work it out and move on. We don’t have a choice because there is no slamming of doors and silent treatment. It doesn’t work like that. Because we are not children on a playground. We are at work and have to play grown-up.

But all this togetherness does have some other effects.

For example, Patrick and I will celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary this year, in December. So once the craziness of the holidays is behind us, we are going to take a tropical vacation. Now MOST couples would choose to take this trip alone and make it all romantic and have their little bubble for a week. We? Spend our lives in that bubble. So we are making our anniversary trip a group outing.

Before we worked together, we would come home from our respective days and spend an hour just talking about what we had done that day… now we have a little alone time when we get home, just a bit of a breather where we each do our own thing for an hour or so before getting on with the rest of our evening.

I think that so often, people fail to recognize that a marriage is a living and breathing thing. It grows and shifts and changes as our lives do the same sort of thing. The reason that working together has been successful for us is twofold… first of all, we were able to adapt. We were willing to admit that for us to take this opportunity things were going to change a little and we figured out a way to make that okay. But more importantly, we are friends. We genuinely LIKE and respect each other (well, I like him, I think he tolerates me in a really sweet sort of way) and so spending this much time together is alright for us.

You know… for now. Until I unleash the crazy. It could happen at any moment, you just never know…

Published by PaintingChef on 14 Feb 2011

In celebration of marriage. You know… with it being a totally manufactured holiday of love and romance and all that crap. (That I secretly kind of love anyway so shut up.)

“Patrick!! I’ve lost over 40 pounds! I think this might actually work!”

“Sweetheart, I’m so proud of you, you are doing a great job and I can really tell you are losing weight.”

“Thanks. I was going to wear these jeans today but I think they’re too baggy. I don’t really care for the baggy jeans look.”

“That’s great that they are too baggy but you look perfectly fine in baggy jeans.”

“Patrick. I have a very important task for you.”

“Okay… this sounds serious.”

“It is. It is vital for our marriage. I have been wearing the same clothes for about a year. I know where they are in my closet and I know how everything goes together and I’m used to them. Eventually, they are not going to look right. They are going to be too big and look weird and I may not realize it.”

“Then we’ll get you new clothes sweetie.”

“Yeah, shopping is not the problem.”

“I didn’t think it was.”

“Patrick. You can NOT let me ever leave this house in baggy clothes looking like a homeless person. DO NOT LET ME LOOK HOMLESS. Nobody, not even Derek Zoolander, can actually rock the Derelicte look”

“Got it. No baggy jeans and no traffic cone bras. Check.”

“I would also prefer to not look like I’m trying to be an Olsen twin.”

“Should I be writing this down?”

“No. It’s implied in the marriage vows. YOU NEVER LET YOUR WIFE LEAVE THE HOUSE LOOKING HOMELESS. I think it’s in the Bible too.”