Things around me seem to be moving normally today. It’s still five days until Christmas. The lady at Starbucks still called me honey-pie. (And yes. Ever since that awful cup of tea incident I’ve done my damndest to avoid Starbucks. But Christmas without peppermint mocha is like cheese with no wine. Why even bother?) I overslept, the cat bit my nose and traffic was a mess.
But today is different. Today so many things are coming to an end. And that’s a natural part of this whole upheaval of our entire lives that Patrick and I have put in process, I know that. But it just feels… odd.
Today is my last day of work. My last day at this place where I’ve spent the past four years. (Which, by the way, is the longest I’ve ever done ANYTHING other than marriage? Or been a pain in the ass. Or stoned.) But I’ve really enjoyed this work situation. No, it’s never been monumentally taxing on my intelligence or creativity but it has allowed me to discover two very important things about myself that I hope to keep with me forever. (Holy fuck but I’m sappy this morning.)
The first is that it was through work that I sold my first painting. Until then I had never even thought of myself as an artist, just someone who slung some paint around when the mood struck me and then took up closet space with things she wasn’t even sure were worthy of hanging on her own wall, let alone someone else’s. But the company I work(ed) for has an employee art exhibition and in a moment of unprecedented bravery, I submitted a few things. And they sold almost immediately. So slowly I began to allow myself to think of myself as an artist. This led to me looking for ways to be involved in the arts community. And kind of altered the direction of my life.
And the second, dear internet, is that is has allowed me to write. Due to the aforementioned … less than challenging nature of my job, one thing I was blessed with was more free time that I knew what to do with. Which eventually manifested itself in the form of this website. A website that, let’s face it, contains far more of its share of navel-gazing and generally sucks ass, especially lately; but one that has reminded me that I love to write. And even more important than allowing me to write, through this website I’ve met some amazing people. I have made friends that I would have never, in a million years, crossed paths with were it not for the time I spend sitting in front of this computer and getting paid for it. And those friends have made my life better.
Aside from it being my last day of work, Patrick also gave his notice at work this morning. His work situation has given him far more stress and heartburn and sleepless nights than mine has. He has been taken advantage of and kicked around. But he has also impressed the pants of some people and learned so much. Through his work, we’ve also made some wonderful friends, people I will miss dearly. (Because OBVIOUSLY… it’s all about me.) But I think that Patrick’s job has provided him with a great deal of confidence in his abilities as an engineer. Something that I hope he carries with him for the rest of his life.
And finally, this afternoon we officially sell our first house. I think that this is the one that affects me the most. I cannot begin to explain the love I have for our house. We have poured our blood, sweat and tears into making it ours. There is nowhere that I feel more comfortable or relaxed and I can’t even comprehend that in a few short hours it will no longer be ours. I remember the first few months after Patrick and I got married before I had a job. He would leave for work and I would get out of bed and just wander around staring at this place and feel like an imposter, like a kid playing grown up with her boyfriend while her parents were out of town. And slowly, room by room, we made it our own. The wallpaper came down and vibrant paint colors went up. We filled it with friends and family. Never have I felt more… well… at home than I have there.
We will make our new house the same wonderful place, I have no doubts. But I think your first house is always closest to your heart. (And obviously I can’t even talk about uber-deck. Because just between you and me, I’m still trying to figure out how to take the damn thing with me.)
So yes. Today is a banner day. And for those of you keeping score at home… by the end of the day I will, technically, be unemployed and homeless.
