Archive for November, 2005

Published by PaintingChef on 30 Nov 2005

Sending a little love overseas…

We have a new renter in the house this morning! He first came to my attention when he sent an email to me and my partners in crime, We Three Bitches, asking about a Christmas Present for his fiancee. We all fell a little in love with him.

He’s a soldier in Iraq and regardless of how you or I or anyone may feel about the war and all the politics of it, its still a reality and people like Sergeant C are living it, every single day. They are brave and dedicated. And they are away from their families and their friends and their homes for longer than we can ever imagine.

Sergeant C has also teamed up with another soldier and they’ve started another blog called “Ask The Soldiers” (inspired, as I understand it, by three oh-so-fabulous ladies) for questions about what’s going on over there.

So show this soldier a little love, let him know you’re thinking about him. Send him some cookies and a solar powered fan. Whatever, just click on his blog right over there on the right hand side of your screen. You can even meet his fiancee right here!

Published by PaintingChef on 29 Nov 2005

In one year, I will have to act like a grown up. I should start practicing now.

I am a nervous wreck. And likely to remain so for an entire year. Patrick is going to be on call next Thanksgiving (meaning he must be within two hours of work at all times) so we are going to invite the whole famdamily down here for turkey, football, and wine. Lots and lots of wine. There are several problems with this scenario:

1. I don’t have a whole hell of a lot of room in my house. Don’t get me wrong, three bedrooms for two people is more than enough room. But three bedrooms for like anywhere from ten to fifteen people is a little bit of a stretch.

2. I have kind of a small kitchen. Thanksgiving has been at my parents’ house for as long as I can remember. And my parents have this enormous kitchen that is ideal for all of us getting in there and making a big ass mess on Thanksgiving. Me? Not so much. I am already stressed out about this. Where will everyone go?

3. We do not bake turkeys; we cook them on the grill. Well, my daddy cooks them on the grill and they are Y-U-M-M-Y. I? Have never in my life cooked a turkey and Patrick? Has already told me he doesn’t know how to carve a turkey. The rest of the cooking does not scare me because one thing I can do and do VERY WELL is cook. And for lots of people. No worries there. Is a turkey really necessary? Yeah…I guess it kind of is. Damn.

4. I am also concerned about where all these alleged people will sit to eat. (Along with where they will sleep and shower and poop and such.)

5. I am hoping with every fiber of my being that I won’t have to stress about most of these things because next Thanksgiving I will be all knocked up and shit and people will do the worrying for me while saying just sit down and put your feet up. Here, this little teensy glass of wine will be just what you need (because in my family, that cures everything and we are firm believers in the one glass a day theory unless you are pregnant and then you only get two glasses a week…no hate mail people, it has been medically approved.)

6. In spite of all this (and the mother-in-law’s none too happy reaction to the news that Thanksgiving would NOT be in Knox Vegas next year) I’m actually pretty excited about it. I think it will make me feel VERY grown up. Which I still refuse to believe that I am. Although I am closing in on 30 with rapid speed so at some point I’m probably going to have to step out of the whole denial thing…

Published by PaintingChef on 26 Nov 2005

And when I gain five pounds from the turkey, you better believe I’ll send that bad boy back ten yards!

As yet another football season draws to a close, I’m trying to put together some lessons that I’ve learned. This year college football instated a system of play review that I think worked really well. So well, in fact, that I am proposing we adopt this system, coupled with penalty flags, into our everyday life.

From now on, I plan to walk around with a pocket full of little yellow flags and enough cameramen to provide my own personal replay booth with a large choice of camera angles on which they can base their decisions.

Think about it…the next time some idiot cuts me off in traffic, I’ll blast their ass with a flag so fast, they won’t know what hit them. And if they argue, we’ll just review the play and show them how stupid they were.

Fight with Patrick? Throw the flag! In the college football play review system, there are a number of things that are non-reviewable once the flag has been thrown, I’m thinking disputes with the husband should fall under that category because its safe to say that I’ve been known to get angry first and think about what I said or did maybe fourth or fifth…and nobody wants to see that on tape over and over like they do on Sportscenter. (Because OBVIOUSLY this would be fascinating enough to warrant my own personal Sportscenter-esque highlight show.)

So the next time I’m walking through the grocery store with my own personal play reviewing entourage and some fuckwad says or does something that make even my teeth cringe in frustration, I’ll just throw a flag and send them back five or ten yards.

In-laws running off at the mouth again about how I am too opinionated or too liberal? Flag! Ten yards bitches!

I think I’ll consider infertility a personal foul…fifteen yards on the punk ass ovaries!

Published by PaintingChef on 25 Nov 2005

Why I Suck.

I KNOW! I’ve been M.I.A. But I’m doing the whole Tennessee Thanksgiving with the family and the massive amounts of turkey and then something happened…

dude. peaches. in. moonshine.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blogslackerhood.

BUT…if you want a little dose of bitchery don’t forget about We 3 Bitches.

Published by PaintingChef on 22 Nov 2005

Renting Out the House

So I’m giving this whole “Rent my Blog” thing a go and DAMN if I didn’t hit the jackpot first time out. If you’ve never read Zazzafooky then you are missing out BIG TIME! Whether its her Tids & Bits to make me laugh, Music Madness to expand the mp3 collection, or her childhood memories posts that never fail to strike a chord with me, you can ALWAYS count on Zazzafooky for a good read. (And as a little more pimpage, she is renting her blog to Zube Girl who I kind of want to make out with…she one of my other 2 bitches.) So go and visit Zazzafooky by clicking on that little picture of her blog. She SO kicks ass.

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