Archive for April, 2005

Published by PaintingChef on 29 Apr 2005

Tragedy Strikes on Friday

6:30 am –

Him: “Sweetie, good morning. I’m leaving now.”

Sweaty drooling lump of snoring goodness (AKA me): “mmfph blerg gah huh?”

Him: “Um…yeah, leaving, going to work.”

SDLSG: “Why the hell are you doing that dude? It’s Saturday!!”

Him: “Oh, honey, no, it’s just Friday. You need to get up.”

SDLSG: “Well…shit.”

This is NOT the best way to start the weekend dammit.

Published by PaintingChef on 28 Apr 2005


I am a product whore. I am, it’s the truth and I am in desperate need of a 12-step program. I make Patrick absolutely insane. He loves to tell me “You know, for someone with an actual DEGREE IN MARKETING, you are so susceptible to advertising.”

And he’s right.

My drug of choice? Sephora. Seriously, anything and everything at Sephora makes my tummy flutter. You know that catalog that they send out like once a month (which is NOWHERE NEAR OFTEN ENOUGH)? Yeah, I straight up sit down with that bitch like it was a textbook with highlighters and paperclips to map out my next 5 Sephora missions.

Mascara of the moment? Check. Lip Venom? Hell yeah. Rosebud Salve? Oh my GAWD how could I live without it? Ridiculous sixteen dollar toothpaste? Look bitches, it makes Kelly Ripa’s smile perfect doesn’t it? The two hundred dollar flat iron? Well, I’m still trying to figure out how to justify that one but DAMN GINA…I could straighten and dry my hair at the same time? I’m thinking that once I have a baby I’m going to need that thing like nobody’s business. Oh, and that kick-ass zit tool? CANNOT live without it. And I’m a sucker for a good salt or sugar scrub. Although I do prefer the sugar scrub to the salt scrub and here’s why:

1. In the likely event that you forget to use the exfoliating scrub BEFORE you shave your legs, the sugar scrub will not make you scream bloody freaking murder in the shower.

2. The sugar scrub is much much less oily so after you use it; you don’t have to remember to wipe down the floor of the shower (ew) so that your husband won’t bust his ass and break his neck when he steps in the shower at 5:30 in the morning.

There’s a new-ish section on the website (which I am very familiar with since Augusta sucks smelly ass and has no Sephora store) called “As Seen In”. Hot damn, I can go there and use the same lip gloss as Britney Spears. You know, before she turned into a trailer trash barefoot knocked up ho.

Bless her heart.

Published by PaintingChef on 27 Apr 2005

Picture Pages.

Do you remember that Bill Cosby Picture Pages thing? Anyway, not the topic.

I’m bored. So today I’m sharing pictures with you. Here are three things that I can see from where I am sitting that I like very very much and come in handy every single day.

1. Wedding Picture. Ahhh…so sweet and we are so pretty. And no, there is not someone at my wedding trying to shoot me; I’m using the digital camera that I happen to keep at my desk for the salespeople to take pictures with. And it has a red dot. Shut up. My boobs looked great in this dress.

2. Clorox Orange Wipes. Mmm…sweet smelling orangey clean goodness. And in a convenient flop top canister. These people might as well make crack on a rag for me.

3. Crystal Light and generic Wal-Mart Crystal Light. I so need to be drinking more water. And usually water is alright. But this little packet of stuff makes it so much yummier. But the Crystal Light brand is REALLY expensive. The Wal-Mart brand is just like a buck fifty and comes in fruit punch. So yummy.

Okay, that’s all. What are three things that are on your desk that you love and look at or use every day?

Actually, there are lots of other things on my desk that I love. But these three won for now. Maybe this will become a regular entry. I still never remembered what it was I wanted to write about yesterday.

Oh, and for anyone still interested…here is what the arm looks like from falling down those steps a freaking week ago. Ew.

And sorry about the whole thing, that’s the only way I know how to do pictures. Don’t be mean. Just teach me a thing or two. Hope those links work, if they don’t then I suck.

Published by PaintingChef on 26 Apr 2005

Some good news, and then there’s my mother.

No people…I’m not pregnant…yet. But my ovaries aren’t broken!! So I apologize for the lack of updates over the weekend but on top of already having a ridiculously busy weekend, I FINALLY (and it only took 3 boxes of tests – that’s 21 days of peeing on a stick) got a positive on the ovulation prediction stick.

Also, I did finally break down and call my mom. Grand gesture on Mother’s Day my ass. She can just keep on dreaming for that one. I’m still mad at her. More so now that when I called she was like “Oh, well, you said you’d call me later before you slammed the phone down on me a week ago so I was just waiting for later.” Note to self: In the future when hanging up on mother in an angry huff, do NOT first say that you will call her later when you know that, in fact, there will be no such call.

I was laying in bed last night trying to decide what to write about today and something wonderful came to mind. Damn…I should have written that down.

Published by PaintingChef on 21 Apr 2005


This is so not a funny post. I’m in such a funk and I’m not really sure why. I stood in my laundry room last night and just cried for about 30 minutes. Why? I don’t know. Am I losing it? Possibly. Sorry I didn’t post anything yesterday, I was just too bummed to come up with anything to talk about.

I think it has something to do with not having spoken to my mother in over a week now. We are fighting. Actually, we are just ignoring each other so that’s not really technically fighting, is it? She made me really mad about a week ago when I was talking to her and so I hung up on her.

And I WAS really mad for a few days, the details are unnecessary, but now I’m just very hurt. She said something very mean to me and I think she should call me to apologize. But she hasn’t. So given that I am, quite possibly, one of the most stubborn people that ever was and will be, we may never speak again. Because I’ll be DAMNED if I’m calling her.

And poor Patrick. I really jumped all over him but what is it with this constant need that men have to fix a problem?!? Don’t fix me dude, just listen to me cry and give me a hug. Tell me you love me and then let me have my breakdown in peace. Bring me flowers or something to make me smile. Although he did offer to call my mom and tell her where to stick it and that might have been kind of kick ass.

I wonder if that offer is still on the table?

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