Archive for February, 2005

Published by PaintingChef on 15 Feb 2005

Weird Dreams

So I’ve been having these freaky dreams lately. A few weeks ago, I dreamed that my nephew was a pineapple and everyone thought it was normal. Then the night before last, I dreamt I was pregnant but I must have been a big ho because I has no idea who the father was. That one sucked. And it was SO real. I hate those dreams that are so real that you wake up in a momentary panic.

Published by PaintingChef on 11 Feb 2005

Oh lord…he’s mobile.

I have this adorable nephew, JT. He’s my husband’s sister’s son. Now the first time I saw JT, he was just 6 weeks old and I was not yet in favor of the babies. So I was kind of scared of him and didn’t hold him or anything. I was sure that I’d break him. People ask how in the world can you be afraid of a baby but its quite possible.

But anyway, she emailed me a video of him walking and pushing this little toy car on a stick. He kind of moved like a little oompa-loompa. It was really cute.

Published by PaintingChef on 10 Feb 2005

How did I end up here?

So how does someone decide to reproduce? I mean, I know there are people (okay…mostly women) who have always just KNOWN that they are meant to have children. I am not one of those women. In my 27 years, I have babysat exactly 4 times and I was really bad at it. I have never changed a diaper, I’ve held maybe 3 babies, and I’ve never had that…shall we say…urge. But suddenly I find myself in this position of wanting to be a mother. It’s very bizarre. And this goes beyond “wanting” a baby, I can’t think of anything else. Well, that’s not entirely true. I always have room to think about chocolate.

So who am I and why am I even sharing any of this? I’m 27 and I work for an advertising company. But I’m also a painter, not necessarily a great one, but I sell a few things here and there and it makes me happy. I’m not crazy about my job but I’ll not be talking about that what with the recent run of doocings and such. It’s an alright job that I only dread it about half the time so I figure I’m doing about average. But I think I’d rather be a stay at home mom. So…hopefully this baby thing isn’t just an excuse not to work. Or an excuse to buy cute baby things.

I think that there are probably tons of people out there like me. People who have been made to feel like they are less of a human being because they don’t have the urge to procreate. Like I said, its a fairly new thing for me and it literally happened overnight. But I was a normal person before I wanted one too. Not wanting children is perfectly acceptable.

So I have a husband and a stable life and all the pieces were in place. Including friends having babies left and right, seriously, we’re talking babies popping out everywhere. It was actually a little scary. And I would watch everyone just become these totally different people who only talked about one thing. What was happening to my friends? Is this going to happen to me? And why does my mother ask me all the time when I’m going to get pregnant? Okay, not all the time, but she’s thinking it…I can SEE it in her eyes.

But I’m curious. I’m exploring the whole baby thing. Well…I guess I should say “we” since technically there ARE two of us. But I’m not so sure he’s as involved. I mean, I’m the one who is going to have an alien parasite growing in her belly.

Well I went to see the OB/GYN to talk about this whole baby thing and she thought I’d flipped right on out because just 6 months ago I was telling her that she might as well take all that stuff out because I wasn’t even going to use it anyway and periods are a real pain in the ass. She politely declined. I guess I’m glad.

Now comes the baby makin’….what am I THINKING????