Archive for the 'Giveaways' Category

Published by PaintingChef on 06 Dec 2012

I’m like Oprah with her favorite things. And I want to GIVE THEM TO YOU!!

There are two things that I really love. Well. Okay. Not true. There are many, many things that I truly love. Shoes, obviously. That look Dylan McKay gets when he’s thinking about his pretend-dead daddy. A good book on a rainy day. An overly full glass of red wine. Spending all day making soup on cold Sundays in the winter. Well placed profanity and making Patrick just a little crazy.

But the two loves I want to talk about today are baking and DIY Home projects.

And how I’ve teamed up with my friend Jacque and her adorable husband Matt at The DIY Village to give you a kick ass chance to win something adorable and some delicious goodies to gorge yourself on while you admire your cute new wall art.

Intrigued? YOU SHOULD BE. Check out these pictures…

So that’s a 12×12 Pottery Barn inspired Santa Wall Art handmade by Matt and Jacque, Six Chocolate Chip Sandwich Cookies and a full pound of Salted Caramel, Pretzel and Reese’s Bark from the Bad Kitty Bakery. And entering is CRAZY easy!!

(There are links all over this post but they are almost the same color as the rest of my text and I’m not tech savvy enough to know how to change that… so you have to look around…sorry!)

1. Go to Facebook and like both Bad Kitty Bakery AND The DIY Village.
2. Go to the DIY Village and scroll to the bottom of the post to enter. The widget thingy takes a second to load but it is AWESOME…

And that’s it! The giveaway runs from 12/6 through 12/12 and is open to people in the continental United State only (shipping is way complicated… sorry Canada… can we still be friends?)

While I have your attention… I want to ALSO direct your attention to the Bad Kitty Bakery Holiday Gift Box. Seriously… You need to send these to your relatives. And your clients. And your neighbors. They are magical. I know because I put unicorn dust on them myself. These things are in them…

Wouldn’t you like to know what those are? You know what? You should go learn about them. You know… after you enter the giveaway.

Giveaway! NOW! GO!!

** Also? Patrick and I are about to refinish our kitchen cabinets. We will probably kill each other. With stains and wood strippers and random orbit sanders. We also do a lot of standing around in the basement and waiting and have taken up playing darts. I am predictably awful.**

Published by PaintingChef on 21 Feb 2012

Free cookies are only surpassed by free shoes…

Have you liked the Bad Kitty Bakery on Facebook yet? Slacker. Following on Twitter? @badkittybakery And remember, if you are a long time homie (i.e. you are reading this NOW) a comment gets you another entry. As does a share on your own website, blog, Facebook page, etc… you just have to let me know! Three people are going to win 2 dozen cookies each! That’s a LOT of cookies! I love cookies, do you? Cookies make me happy. They are the answer to world peace.

Seriously. Free cookies. Cookies in your mailbox. If it didn’t sound so dirty I just might tattoo it on my forehead.

Okay, I totally wouldn’t do that…

By the way? Suddenly I am incapable of typing the word “Bakery”. It’s kind of a problem…

PS… Contest ends on Friday, February 24th at 11:00 AM Eastern Time.

Published by PaintingChef on 05 Dec 2011

And there was a winner. Also? Happy Meals vs. Happy Buckets.

So… you guys don’t TOTALLY follow directions but I’m going to let it slide because there are only a few of you and despite having a cold, dead, black heart I do kind of love you. So there’s that…

There were 8 comments, 7 of which were stories but all 8 are going to count and the stories were HYSTERICAL. You are all too clever and I ended up having to leave it to to decide. It seemed only fair. I considered the two comments on the original post #1 and #2 (hee… accidental bathroom humor. Never gets old.) and the 6 comments on the second post 3-8. Make sense?

I don’t care. It makes sense to me. I thought about moving everyone’s comments to the original post but that seemed a little like forgery plus it was also complicated and I had other stuff to do.

Anyway… the winner is #4!! Amy of Supervelma!! You get a happy bucket!! (The phrase Happy Bucket makes me thing of those old school McDonald’s Halloween happy meals with the witch or pumpkin or ghost trick or treat buckets. Does anyone else remember those? They barely held any candy. It was very disappointing.)

Also… as previously mentioned. No actual happy bucket exists.

Published by PaintingChef on 29 Nov 2011

I simply refuse to believe that you are all that nice. Speak up NOW DAMMIT.

Just a reminder! Tell me how you were an asshole to someone and you could win the product of Patrick being an asshole to me! Aren’t you curious? Scroll down… look down there… read about it. Here’s what’s up for grabs!

1. Mean-spirited laser parking assistant.
2. Christmas note cards printed with an original painting by yours truly
3. Candied jalapenos from my garden
4. $25 Amazon Gift Card

All in one happy bucket!** But you have to tell me the meanest trick that you ever either played on someone or that was played on you.

** In all honesty, there isn’t actually a happy bucket. It will probably show up in a re-purposed Amazon or RueLaLa box because that’s what I have the most of laying around. Sorry. Is that a dealbreaker? I hope it isn’t.

Published by PaintingChef on 21 Nov 2011

In which I try and bribe you to not think I’m the biggest asshole in the world.

I thought about killing my husband this morning. What? It’s Monday. That’s what we do on Mondays, right? Once you get married that’s what “A Case of the Mondays” means, right? Thanks Office Space.

See… here’s the thing. I’m lazy. If we can just stipulate that fact, things will move right along, okay? So finally, after almost 10 years of marriage, I have a garage parking space. I feel like that’s something that should be on the game of “Life”. The square says something like “Your spouse finally rates you above the boat and the classic car and you earn a garage parking space of your very own. You win $200, dry shoes in the rain and a brand new fight called ‘Why do you park like an asshole in the garage’… CONGRATULATIONS!!”

(Side note… last year for Christmas, my husband got me a laser assisted parking thing for my stocking. Three guesses if you can figure out where THAT fine gift ended up…)

But all that nonsense aside, one thing I have found absolutely GLORIOUS about parking in the garage is the 5 minutes I no longer have to spend in a mad dash running around the house looking for my damn keys. I leave them in my car, in the ignition with the windows rolled down in the garage. And I love it because I know where those bitches are like 99.9% of the time. Oh sure, it means that if I DIDN’T drive, I’m consistently locked out of my own house and I never have that damn Kroger card and entering my phone number only sometimes works but dammit… I KNOW WHERE MY KEYS ARE.

I am the girl who loses her phone twelve times a day but always knows where her keys are. Hi. Nice to meet you.

So yesterday Patrick and I were running some errands and he was driving because usually when we go somewhere together he drives so I can mainline tequila. It makes our lives better, you should try it! Anyway he, for whatever reason, starts giving me shit because I don’t have my keys and we are stopping by the office so I can feed my fish (I have fish! Have I told you about the fish!?!?) and I have to wait for him to unlock the door even though his hands are full (of… wood? I forget) and he’s like “Oh no, don’t worry, I’ll get this” while I’m standing there noticing that my shoes were really cute. And I was all DUDE. What? No keys. And he acts flabbergasted that I have no keys. As if this is brand new information and this very situation has never once ever happened before in the history of Susannah possessing keys. (Other things that have happened more than once? Susannah throwing her entire keychain away at the mall. I win at keys.)

Fast forward to this morning when I am running late as I am on all mornings but Mondays in particular but I have gathered my shit and even made a sandwich for lunch and I can’t even begin to tell you what a rare occurrence this one is and I am out the door and I sit in my car and THERE ARE NO KEYS.


Obviously, Patrick has taken them. He has decided to prove a point and he has taken my keys like an assholey asshole and for this he will pay dearly. I look in every drawer in his dresser. I even look the places I used to look for keys when they were a traveling enigma. Normal places. The bathroom. The pantry. The washing machine. Fridge.


I spent half an hour looking for my keys this morning and the entire time my poor animals were being schooled in vocabulary that would normally make even ME blush. Supposedly there is a spare key? Like a valet thing? That I lost? Whatever. No keys.

Back to the car that I am now proceeding to tear apart because now I’m thinking maybe he just pulled them out of the ignition and tossed them in a seat or the floor or something where I would OBVIOUSLY see them except that I am morning-stupid. (It’s like being day-drunk but nowhere near as entertaining.) I finally found them under the front seat and I am now yelling so loudly at my damn husband that I am CERTAIN he can already hear me. This is not cute. This is not funny. This is not clever. Clever was the time I reprogrammed his phone to play the Hallelujah chorus at top volume and the caller ID to read GOD when I called it and then called him while I knew he was in a meeting. THAT? Was cute and clever.

He swears he didn’t do it. I don’t think I believe him.

Hey! Let’s turn this into something good and not something I’m still kind of fuming over, what do you say? What the meanest little trick to prove a point that you either played on someone or had played on you? Whoever has the best story wins that damn parking laser and I’ll throw something good in there too. Some Christmas cards with a painting on them and maybe some candied jalapenos from my garden. Oh fine. And a $25 Amazon gift card. Let’s recap…

1. Mean-spirited laser parking assistant.
2. Christmas note cards printed with an original painting by yours truly
3. Candied jalapenos from my garden
4. $25 Amazon Gift Card

That’s not so bad, really, is it? Tell your friends! I’ll choose a winner on December 5th which is two whole weeks so get to thinking about what an asshole you are.