Archive for the 'Feelin’ Pretty' Category

Published by PaintingChef on 28 Mar 2011

An unprecedented level of follow through…

Anyone that says it doesn’t hurt is a big, fat liar…

Published by PaintingChef on 25 Mar 2011

She also mentioned I would have been too scared of getting kicked out of the house or at the very least losing my rent money had I attempted any of this in my younger years…

Something… odd is going on. I’m not sure how to explain it but we all know each other here and you know how I stumble around for a few weeks before actually just SPITTING IT OUT ALREADY OH MY GOD SHUT UP so I’ll see what I can manage. I would like to assure you that should you ever be unlucky enough to be trapped in conversation with me in real life, I would do exactly the same thing and then immediately follow up with a splash of red wine on your shoe. Or your carpet. The moral of which is NEVER invite me to your home. Or if you do, only serve water. And like… broth with a side of Spot Shot.

I’m losing weight, which was absolutely and 100% The Plan. I’m quite pleased with the way the numbers on the scale are shrinking at a steady rate and I’ve done more than my fair share of naked happy dances behind the closed bathroom door. But I’m starting to feel… unsettled (?) with my appearance. I’m starting to crave some change. It started with the bright purple streaks I’m currently sporting and loving. But lately I’ve been thinking I might want to pierce my nose too.

There is also a tattoo in the works but I’m saving that for a very definite milestone, one I’ve already determined. I’ve decided on the tattoo and the location and that is all very much settled. But that milestone is still a long way off. Too long for me to be satisfied in the short term.

Patrick thinks I’m insane. Obviously. But what I think he forgets is that we got together right when I was entering my “tame” phase. I used to be a little braver with my appearance. Oh sure, skinny bitches pull this shit off much easier than someone with a little more padding and I’m not anywhere close to the skinny bitch side of the spectrum. However that isn’t keeping me from wanting to change up my appearance like I used to do on a regular basis. Right before Patrick and I (re)met and started dating, I was planning on piercing my eyebrow. I’m 33 years old now and too damn grown to pull that off (or to even be interested in trying) but the rest of it? Yeah… why not? I think I want to pierce my nose. Just a little teensy stud, not a ring. I don’t think it would even be all that noticeable. But I would know it was there.

I was telling my mother about this and she wasn’t the least bit surprised. She reminded me of my wilder days. She said she feels like I’m kind of rediscovering myself and this makes sense. First I was wild child. Then I had a scare, calmed myself down all at once and nothing second and then almost immediately, I fell in love and got married. She said its like there are still two parts of my personality who haven’t been in the same place at the same time and maybe this is all about me meeting ME all over again. When I look in the mirror, I don’t see the me that I feel like I know. Don’t get me wrong. I love my life, my husband. I’m thankful for every misstep I ever took because it got me where I am today and I LOVE where I am. But I think that somewhere along the way, I felt like there was a part of me who had to be buried, as though it was too contradictory this image I had of what I was supposed to be. Trying to stuff myself into a mold much like I used to try and stuff myself into those skinny jeans… it ain’t happening and its better for everyone involved if I don’t even try.

So this is all about rediscovering who I am. Melding my youth with my adult life and allowing myself to be comfortable in the two co-existing in the same person. So does that make me the 33 year old with purple (and possibly pink) hair, a stud in my nose, a tattoo on my wrist and wearing a cute little floral dress? Yeah. Maybe. But I think I’m okay with that. I feel like I know that girl. I feel like she is someone who is finally ready to stop hiding behind one of the many disguises she has (fat girl, good wife, perfect hostess) and just allow it to all blend together and believe that she deserves happiness and health without having to stifle any part of what’s there.

Yeah… I think this could work.