Archive for the 'Shhh…work…shhh' Category

Published by PaintingChef on 15 Jan 2008

In which not one person feels sorry for me.

Can I just say something here? This working full time shit is for the birds…

Alright, let me back it up a minute and catch you up because I can’t remember how much I’ve told you about my new work/life situation and just between you and me… I’m a wee bit too lazy to look back through the terribly dull and repetitive shit I’ve spewed over the past few months to find out for certain.

You see… my father owns a construction-related company. And I am now working for him as his office manager. A job that, wholly unlike my previous work-adjacent situation, requires concentration, effort, and a general comprehension of basic accounting (which would include basic mathematics so it might as well be Sanskrit to me.) I kind of thought this would be a fun and novel thing for a minute but as Monday January 14th drew closer and closer I suddenly realized that this arrangement would require things somewhat foreign to me. Like grocery shopping at night. And getting my nails done on the weekends. With the rest of the world. (Yes, I do feel your heart breaking for me.)

So as day 2 of my new job has drawn to a close I have started to form some thoughts. The first, and most important of which is this… it’s going to be fine. Once I figure out what the hell is going on and can do so without my dad (who happens to be equally clueless about accounting) standing over my shoulder, I think things will move quite smoothly and hopefully a little speedier than they are right now. I think I will be able to have a little time back for myself, maybe even pick up a paintbrush or a camera again. Eventually I will feel like I know what I’m doing and I might even be productive and helpful in some shape, form or fashion. But for the foreseeable future it looks like I’m officially a 40 hour a week girl again.

Published by PaintingChef on 26 May 2006

My computer and I will eventually come to blows or I will just pull its hair and run away.

As I was merrily photoshopping (can we consider that an actual verb now? Spellchecker doesn’t recognize it but I would like to enter it into consideration.) along yesterday at work, cropping Patrick the human easel out of photographs of my paintings so that I can actually update my website (well…so that I can burn a disc and send it to Elyse… also found here… to update my website) a great warning flashed up on my computer, a warning that I never thought I’d see.

WARNING! YOU ARE DANGEROUSLY LOW ON HARD DRIVE SPACE! IF YOU DO NOT REMOVE FILES THIS COMPUTER WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN 2 MINUTES AND END THE WORLD AND MAYBE EVEN STEAL ALL YOUR SHOES! DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER!

Well damn. I tried to ignore it but it kept showing up everywhere I looked. “FINE!” Says I. “I will take my precious pictures of my refrigerator and the mullet family and Patrick in a tree OFF of my work computer! Just please, for the love of all that is good and chocolaty…STEP AWAY FROM THE WEITZMANS AND NOBODY WILL GET HURT!”

I did a little poking around into the subcockles of my hard drive and the mind-boggling labyrinth that is “My Documents” (oh how I long to return to the Mac world where all makes sense…) and discovered that I did, indeed, have more than a few cobwebs to clear. It was then that I kind of wanted to lick Patrick for his foresight to purchase a flash drive that would attach to the memory card for our camera. Because really? Don’t I want to save pictures of my broken finger, cracked windshield, and hair dying adventures for a rainy day?

And all so I could try, yet again, to dazzle you with my artistic prowess by sticking a few pictures of paintings that you’ve already seen at the end of this and calling it “Random Picture Friday”.

Tunnel

Pinks and Blues

Green Cheese Moon

Breaking Out

Published by PaintingChef on 03 Mar 2006

The post that will make you feel not at all sorry for and also that may very well get me fired…

Sometimes I get a little worried that the people at Worst Employee of the Year, Inc. may have too difficult of a job so I’m going to make things just a *little* easier for them today and let you know why I am, in fact, the single worst employee of the entire year and its only March 3.

You see, I have, perhaps, the greatest work schedule on the face of the earth. I am off every Monday and leave Fridays at noon. Fridays at noon, you say? Then why on EARTH are you not even getting around to writing anything until noon-thirty on a Friday? Well…says I…that’s because this one unprecedented thing has occurred and I will be working until five o’clock this evening. And I? Am livid. Like fire breathing, hair pulling, teeth gnashing, Enron embezzling, Dick Cheney shooting livid.

Oh, more reasons you say? You want more…okay…here goes…

1. The year’s worth of blog entries and personal pictures stored on my work computer in a bizarre network of 2.2 gigs of My Documents folders (in which I inexplicably have to open four folders named simply “Susannah” just to get to everything) not unlike the one Amalah mentioned today. Am planning on backing up all of this on newly purchased groovy USB memory stick thingy TUESDAY. Amalah—I’m so very sorry for the death of your computer but thanks for getting me off of my lazy ass about it.

2. The review of former evil boss that I sent in which contained the following passages:

Ever since xxxx became our GM, the morale and the working conditions at our plant have taken a serious nose dive.

One of xxxx’s worst managerial qualities is his obsessive micro-management. Every situation is made as long and drawn out as possible because he feels the need to re-do everything the employees have already taken care of. Ironically and in sharp contrast to this, he knows nothing about the day-to-day operations of our plant; regardless of how many times his same questions are asked and answered.

There are other, purely personality related, traits which, in my opinion, make xxxx a very bad manager. He is rude to the employees and often talks down to us as though we were idiots, he interrupts everyone during meetings and ignores us when he isn’t interrupting us.

The past 11 months have not been good here. It is simply amazing to me how one person can have such a huge impact on the environment of our plant. Morale is at an all-time low among the salespeople, operations staff, office staff, and mangers and our general manager is the direct cause of this. I didn’t think that the questions in the 360-degree review allowed me to express just how bad it has been since xxxx took over this office.

Oh, and just so you know…he’s no longer working here and I SHOULD be world’s greatest employee again…at least I am back in the realm of happy employees…right?

3. The fact that roughly 97.7% of this blog is written from work. That number will now decrease because of new wonderful shiny computer that I want to lick inappropriately but I digress…

4. I am not afraid to hang up on people who ask me stupid questions and/or are rude on the phone. Not to mention that since I am the only one here this afternoon, phone answering duties fall on my shoulders, something that I usually don’t remember until about the fourth or fifth ring…oops.

5. Whil working until five o’clock today, I do actually have stuff that could keep me busy right up until then. BUT…most likely I will be here, here, here, or here instead.

6. Oh yeah… THIS whole thing? Done completely from work where I lost approximately 40 hours of productive time.

So anyway…commence the not feeling sorry for me…

Published by PaintingChef on 02 Nov 2005

When you say things 3 times there is so much more meaning behind it!

Someone replaced a light bulb over my desk. Which I ASKED to have done because it was all flashing like a strobe light and giving me a headache and just making me grumpy in general and it was BAD BAD BAD.

But now…

The light has been replaced and it is oh so much worse. First of all, its WAY too damn bright. But the worst part is this awful buzzing that is just barely audible when things are going on. However once it gets quiet, like it is right now, it’s the only thing I can hear and it makes me want to KILL KILL KILL.

Is light bulb buzzing grounds for resignation?

I imagine that if I were to ask Patrick that question he would say “No. But bills are grounds for shut up and quit bitching so much.” He would, of course, look adorably sexy while saying it with a great deal of love and compassion.

Published by PaintingChef on 19 Oct 2005

Wishing bad things on a total stranger aka I SUCK.

I am so sad today. I had a brief chance at FREEDOM from this place I call work but I dilly-dallied, I drug my feet in the mud, I TOOK TOO FUCKING LONG TO GROW A PAIR and now? The window of opportunity is closed.

Confused? Yeah, okay, let’s back up. I’m confused too but I’m pretty sure that’s the Thera-flu fucking with my cerebellum because I am dying a slow death.

I did a little online scanning of the old jobby-job section of the paper on Tuesday evening of last week and came across something that may as well have just said “PaintingChef!!! Call us!!! We N-E-E-D your mad skills!” And I said “Hell yeah. I’ll give you a ring just as soon as I get back from this wedding event because I am currently unable to form a complete thought or sentence that does not include the words wedding, sister, little baby Betsy, or BUT SHE’S FIVE YEARS OLD!!”

All the time while I’m running around doing things for wedding festivities, its there in the back of my head… “Event planner for non-profit organization. Hours flexible.” That was ALL this bitch needed. I was BORN for this job. My grandmother is a caterer and I’ve been putting parties, events, and wedding receptions together for her for as long as I can remember. I ROCK at this shit.

So first thing Monday morning I call…yeah…you know where this is going don’t you? How in the HELL could they fill my job, that was MY JOB. I was PERFECT for that job.

Is it wrong to wish complete and total employment failure on someone you’ve never met?

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